過去一整個星期都沒有睡好，終於在週五晚上昏睡到週六中午。一共睡了十二個小時。起來後一直計劃想帶家人到山上或是其他旅遊景點逛逛。想不到，他們又吵起來了。這種怨恨，我想是他們/我們這一輩子都沒有辦法消除的。以為習慣了，但我的心情還是完全被破壞了。沒有辦法改變別人，就只好改變自己。我想這也是爲什麽我會變得麻木，她的眼淚對我已經不再有任何效果。以為可以好好相處，感受一下異國風情，讓我們都留下一個美好回憶，結果還不是一樣。這幾天，讓我回想到爲什麽我會離開多倫多：只有跳脫出這個讓人窒息的環境，才有機會面對真正的自己。那個時候的我，就好像是被困的動物，渴望解脫枷鎖，然後到原野狂奔。也只有得到解脫後，才會真正的安定下來。
-他們又吵起來了
-她的眼淚/怨恨對我已經不再有任何效果
-只有跳脫出這個讓人窒息的環境，才有機會面對真正的自己
-也只有得到解脫後，才會真正的安定下來。
i dont know why i came to your blog, and i dont know how to explain my feeling after reading this article. i feel i am being understood in certain way.
i often time found very difficult to deal with the questions about “why-you-are-not-seeing-your-mother-and-brother-and-sister much”, i dont know how to answer or be articulate enough to tell others why. because when i need to be with them, i feel depressed and every single time, either it ended with crying, yelling and fighting. I used my 20 years of life to understand my family is abnormal.
i was so tired and using all my faith, i left that abnormal family (i believe it needed exceptionally strong faith to leave a family of your own). because leaving is the only way i can be normal. i started my own family now and yes, it is the right family, with respects and love.
leaving from chaos is a must.
Hi Jane, thank you for leaving this message. Sometimes I struggle and not sure if I should write so much about my personal feelings, but I couldn’t help. It is a way to express and to release. I’m glad that I know there are people like you out there that understand what I talk about and that my post also make you feel understood in a way. It is difficult and I have been trying to make things better. I think in a way, I’m on the right track… I hope. I’m glad that you have started your own family now with respects and love – the two key words.
No, you’re definitely not alone in that aspect.
It took me until my early twenties as well before I realised I was in a dysfunctional family. A bit of my soul died when the realisation broke through and it’s been a long way in trying to change my mentality and attitude bit by bit. I’ve personally found it agonising when well-meaning friends try to nudge for a renouncement but don’t understand how utterly unhappy it is to even be with my parents and the contradictory feelings that surround the relationship. It’s hard to explain what a dysfunctional family is to someone who didn’t grow up in one.
Anyhow, just wanted to show that you’re not alone. If you’re into reading about other people’s particular situations and the suggestions from others in coping and moving on, check out the family related questions on Ask Metafilter. It really helped me to know that I wasn’t a terrible person to care about the physical well-being for my parents but wanted nothing to do with their everyday lives.
Hi Stranger, just noticed that I haven’t responded to your comment. Thank you for leaving me the comment and suggestion. Really appreciate it 🙂